The concept of grace has never been a struggle for me in thinking that Jesus SAVED me while I was still a sinner, but through a speaker this weekend, I came face to face with my real struggle. Not only am I saved by grace, I am kept by his grace. I'm not saying that I was worried about my salvation and wondering if I were good enough to keep my salvation, by no means. I understand fully that his grace keeps me saved, but does his grace keep me right with him?
I live a preformance based Christianity... I do right because I know it is right and thats what God wants from me. And somehow if I am having my time with the Lord, if I pray, if I do what I'm supposed to, me and God are tight. If I don't, we are not tight and I feel far away. But is that really how grace works? Romans says "While we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." God knew what kind of state that I was in and even after he has saved me, MY righteousness still does not set me right before God... it is STILL by God's grace.
The speaker I heard this weekend said that sanctification is just swimming in the pool of your justification. I have been made right by the blood of Christ, but for some reason I don't SWIM in that, I beat myself up with little "good things" that somehow I think will please a holy God.
So today, a kid named Jose as sitting at the bench. When I asked him what happened he said, "I got mad." When I asked why, he said, "Because I missed one on my phonograms." One. And I began to think, this is me. I do not allow grace to be extended to me. I extend it to others and I let Jesus extend it to them, but somehow I think I need to be perfect. I am still trying to figure out how exactly I swim in my justification... but I think it means that I just jump in and let Jesus' grace cover me: good, bad and ugly.
Good thing he sent that 3rd grader to convict me of my lack of grace on myself.